Aye, I know that feeling. Like the universe is crushing down on you and all you want is to die.
But really, it's up to you whether it kills you. I was on the bad end of a noose and even that didnt kill me. That was luck. But I realized in that moment that nothing in my life will kill me unless i let it.
I like the Russell Brand quote, which sums it all up nicely:
“My dad's philosophy was (and I think still is) that life is a malevolent force, which seeks to destroy you, and you have to struggle with it. Only those who are hard enough will succeed. Most people get crushed, but if you fight, in the end life will go, "Fucking hell. This one's serious. Let him through.”
If you ever need anything or to chat or whatever, hit me up